Catching you up to speed

Where have I been? Good question! I've been busy!

Last week we were talking about who is going to teach what in our co-op and I volunteered to teach History for the 3rd and 4th graders. I really think this is a God thing. Because if you would have asked me last year I would have said, "no way!" But I'm excited about this. I have something in mind for the curriculum, but tomorrow I will go look at more.

Last Saturday, we took the kids to a friend's birthday party. It was so cute! The boy's Mom made a dinosaur cake, Jello dinosaur eggs, dinosaur jelly sandwiches. They each made a dinosaur hat. Aussie was a bit embarassed by it, so we made Greg wear it.

Then they played this really cute relay game where they put on these dinosaur shoes and ran/slid across the room holding a plastic egg on a spoon. It was really fun watching them. Then they played a game where they dug in a sandbox to find a dinosaur to keep. I was taking lots of pictures, because I know how much I like pictures and I also know that when you are the hostess it is hard to take pictures and hostess at the same time. So I was busy doing that and I guess I wasn't keeping a good enough eye on my children, because when I was editing the pictures to give to the birthday boy's Mom I noticed that my kids were standing on her couch. UGH! So I made a note to tell the kids that just because they are allowed to stand on our couch doesn't mean they can stand on someone elses. I apologised to the Mom when I handed her the disk of pictures.

So after the party we rushed out of there to meet my Mom for dinner. She was in town with her girlfriends to go to a conference/lecture about Heaven. So she had a couple hours free and we were able to pick her up and go out to eat. We went to Logan's and that was one of the best meals I had in a long time!

On our way home we stopped by a friend's house to pick up an outfit for Ashley. I was so excited! Ashley and I get giddy over getting clothes. So my friend said she bought this gorgeous outfit for her daughter and her daughter refuses to wear it. So she said she wanted to see it on someone. We were happy to oblige! The outfit is brand new from Gymboree and it is GORGEOUS. Ashley wore it Sunday to church. You would not believe how many compliments she got. I mean everywhere we went someone stopped her and said you look beautiful. I tried to get a good picture, but I wasn't able to get a good one. The sweater has a cupcake on it.

This is a good picture, but she didn't have the sweater on. Just the turtleneck, skirt and tights. Oh but that's not all. She didn't just give us that outfit, but several more as well. And the boys clothes that they have on in the picture are also from this friend. I really love having a clothes "benefactor".

Alrighty then, on Monday it was laundry time! I asked the kids if they wanted to make a clothes waterfall. They LOVE this. It's when they gather up all the dirty clothes and throw them down the stairs. But that's not all they like. They like to slide down the stairs until all the clothes are at the bottom. I don't mind. They have fun and it gets all the clothes downstairs for me to wash.

So that's all the good stuff, now onto the not so good stuff. Thursday night we were getting out of the van and it was cold and somehow 2 of my children didn't have their coats. So I was wrapping Ashley and Aussie in my coat. I thought Aussie's hand was down by his side and I reached in front of him and slammed the van door. Aussie's fingers were stuck in the door. I had to open the door to get them out. I was SO upset. When Mason and Ashley started crying too, I had a meltdown. I ran in to the church yelling is there a first aid kit. No one seemed to be in a rush but me. I grabbed the church phone and called Greg. Greg was coming as fast as he could. I couldn't stop crying. Someone helped to get ice on his fingers and some bandaids. I felt sick to my stomach. The lady very calmly said that I was making things worse by crying. I understood, but it was really hard to quit. If you have never been in a situation like this you can't imagine the guilt I felt. Someone said some harsh words to me and got me crying all over again. Greg took the kids home and I went to get gas in his car incase we needed to take Aussie to the hospital. I was so hysterical I could hardly drive home. I think the harsh words hurt me more that the accident itself. I can't believe this happened but suicide actually entered my mind. I would NEVER commit suicide- don't worry! The thought came into my mind and just as quickly as it came in my mind I dismissed it. Why am I telling you this? I'm not sure. Maybe I shouldn't be so honest. But that's how I felt. I was so sick to my stomach. I know in my head it was an accident and things like this happens, but in my heart it hurts deeply. When I got home the sweetest thing happened. From his heart Aussie said, "Mom, I'm not mad at you, I know it was an accident." He is so grown up and so precious to me!

Anyway, to make a long story longer we decided to wait and take him to the doctor today.

We went to school today. It was a special day. (Pajama and Pizza day) Many people asked him what happened. I was relieved to hear him say his fingers got shut in the van door instead of My MOM shut the door on them. He seems to be very sensitive to my feelings. Although when anyone would ask me what happened the guilt set in even more as I told them what I did.

I had a few people look at it. A lady at co-op works in the ER and she took a look at it and said, we probably ought to get it x-rayed. 3 others looked at it and said it was definitely broken. So I took him to the doctor, and we got his fingers x-rayed. He was such a good boy! And the good news is there are NO fractures!!!!! So he is wearing a little splint. He will wear this for 3 days and then he can take it off and go back to his artistic endeavors.

Since it was late and we finally had some money in the bank, we took the kids to McDonalds. I am so relieved they are not broken! But I started crying again tonight. When will this guilt go away? Aussie has forgiven me, why can't I forgive myself?

Anyway- I'm praying for a better day tomorrow.