Christmas Memories Day 14

I wasn't feeling good all day yesterday and basically just slept all day. So here is my contribution for yesterday's Christmas Memories Day 14. This was forwarded to me from a friend in Colorado last year.

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year.

I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my childrenon demand,

visited the doctor's office more than my doctor

and soldsixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money

to plant a shade tree onthe school playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list out overseveral Christmases,

since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon,

on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles,

and who knows when I'll find anymore free time

in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache

(in any color, except purple,which I already have)

and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze,

but are strong enough to pull my screaming child

out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere

in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year

I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio

that only plays adult music, a television

that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals,

and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind

the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes,Mommy"

to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight

and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without theuse of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting

"Don't eat in theliving room" and "Take your hands off your brother,"

because my voice seems to be just out of my

children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products,

I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth

and comb my hair in the same morning,

or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature

without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles

to brighten the holiday season.

Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable?

It will clear my conscience immensely.

It would be helpful if you could coerce

my children to help around the house without demanding

payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling

and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door.

I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door

and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table

but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,

MOM...

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.

*Santa has asked that this gets passed on to all the mommies you know.